Kareem Abdul-Jabbar And The Dookie

From winning championships at the high school, collegiate, and professional levels to snorting coke on the Showtime Lakers, and studying Jeet Kune Do under Bruce Lee, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar did it all.

But, even after all that, one of the (second) leading-scorer in NBA history’s most interesting stories is a restroom interaction with a fan at a Naismith Hall of Fame dinner in Indianapolis.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend

To better understand the significance of this story, it helps to grasp who Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is to long-time hoop fans.

To some, like myself, who never got to see him skyhook in his heyday, he’s a mythical long-legged figure who you read tall tales about from firsthand accounts.

Like the one in coach John Wooden’s book Wooden about Kareem directly helping get UCLA’s famous Pauley Pavilion built.

See, while Kareem was still a man among boys in high school, leading Power Memorial Academy on the Upper West Side of New York to a 71-game winning streak, John Wooden was coaching the UCLA Bruins under less-than-ideal conditions at a place known as the “B.O. Barn.”

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As per its name, this place was a crowded, poorly lit, and badly ventilated gym on the third floor of a building that also served as a fire department station.

Despite practicing and playing home games at the B.O. Barn, the Bruins somehow still managed to win two national championships, which got the attention of the “Tower from Power.”

After Kareem (Lew Alcindor back in those days) visited UCLA’s campus and was seriously considering committing, the school’s athletic director hastily expedited the construction of Pauley Pavilion so that it would be ready the following year should the most sought-after prospect since Wilt Chamberlain choose to attend their school.

The rest as they say is history, as Kareem did indeed become a Bruin in 1966 and he went on to lead the school to three more national championships under John Wooden.

A Huge Shadow

Now that you have some respect for the Big A’s authoritah

The following piece from a fan by the Reddit name of /u/b0bathreat will stir your soul either with laughter or disgust.

It’s a story about the time Kareem Abdul-Jabbar literally scared the shit out of him.

Our Reddit pleb is attending the 2006 Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame honors event during the Final Four in Indianapolis and he swings through the bathroom after having a little too much spicy Thai food.

As he’s sitting in his stall conducting his business, he notices a huge shadow enveloping the light above him and looks up.

Its all 7 foot 2 of Kareem!

He had just stood up after relieving himself in the adjacent stall and word to Moses (Malone), he made eye contact with our guy, who due to a wicked combination of both surprise and irritable bowels proceeded to blow mud into the toilet in the loudest possible way.

Kareem, unshaken by the noise of kids being dropped in the mini-pool, continues to hold eye contact for a good 12 seconds until the man finishes before turning his gaze away in disgust and leaving the restroom, telling another excited fan who asked for an autograph “no pictures” on his way out.

If true, our toilet defiler will be telling the story of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar And The Dookie to his grandkids one day.

If you found this story halfway amusing, you may also like The Reason Chris Dudley Was Face-Down on a Massage Table Wearing 15 Headbands or Scott Skiles Frightened Draft Prospects And Small Animals