I was inspired to write this by the absolute-ass Detroit Pistons, who are going through their worst season in the franchise’s 76 seasons of existence. George Yardley is turning in his grave.
Yet despite setting the NBA record for most consecutive losses in a single season with 28, three teams have had even longer losing streaks.
The Loser Effect
An Animal Behaviour study on Copperhead snakes found that loser effects were present.
That is, snakes who had lost previous encounters with other snakes were more likely to lose again. Not only this, but the loser effect was so prevalent that even in encounters where the loser snake was 10% larger, they would always lose if they had more than one previous loss.
Entire humanoid professional basketball teams have embodied these same traits to ridiculous degrees.
Losing game after game after game after game…you get the idea.
Most are familiar with the futility of the Philadelphia 76ers “process” from 2014–16 and Tom “Sell the Team” Gores’ 2023–24 Detroit Pistons, who share the NBA record for most consecutive losses at 28 apiece.
However, they are less familiar with the three professional teams who all have longer losing streaks.
This is the purpose of this article…to highlight pain, suffering, and depravity. Starting in Korea.
1998–99 Daegu Tongyang Orions
I Googled the meaning of Orion and the following was the top result:
A group of stars in the sky that looks like a hunter with a line of three bright stars for a belt.
I guess it’s not as bad as the team’s original name –Dongyang Confectionary Basketball Team or its later moniker, Goyang Carrot Jumpers.
Regardless, it’s easy to see why players would be less than enthusiastic to suit up for such an unserious carrot candy team.
Around 20 players did during the 1998–99 season…and they proceeded to lose 32 straight games. The feat is made even worse upon realizing that the Korean Basketball League (KBL) only plays a 54-game season.
The Orions did nothing but shit the bed for 60% of the season!
As bad as the Orions were, they share the dubious record of longest losing streak by a professional basketball club with an even more inept North American team.
2011–12 Los Volcanes del Estado de Mexico
The Volcanoes is an appropriate team name, not only because of the 38 gushers that can be found inside Mexico’s borders but because you just never know what you’re going to get from a volcano at any given time.
Such was the case with Los Volcanes, who joined the Liga Nacional de Baloncesto Profesional (LNBP) in 2010-11 and proceeded to get booted out of Mèxico’s premier basketball league the very next season for a variety of reasons.
But not before making the worst kind of history.
The Volcanoes lost 31 consecutive games on the court, including a 45-110 defeat which pushed the team to a pitiful 0-29 start in 2011-12, and one game by default, for showing up to play with fewer players than required by league rules. Elementary school ass L.
Constant violations of LNBP regulations, financial fines, and lack of fan support…due to the aforementioned poor play, made the Volcanoes one of the worst pro basketball teams to ever exist, both on and off the court.
Lemonade stands have been run with more competency.
2020-22 Blackwater Bossing
Last but not least, a Philippine Basketball Association (PBA) team whose name sounds like a U.S. defense contractor – Blackwater Bossing.
Although not as bad as the confectionary and lava teams covered above, losing ‘only‘ 29 consecutive games across the end of one season and the start of the next, Blackwater was BAD.
How bad are we talking?
The team is the un-proud holder of a PBA record 509-day losing streak, which mercifully ended in March 2022, after Bossing upset (any win at that point would be considered an upset) the league-leading Magnolia Chicken Timplados Hotshots by a single point.
But what else can one expect from a squad whose predecessor was named the Blu Detergent team😩
Following the win, head coach Ariel Vanguardia vowed a turnaround.
Armed with an uptick in morale and no less than three first-round draft picks, including the top pick, Bossing had reason to be hopeful going into this season.
Thus far, these hopes have vanished like a hot match on a dating app, with the team sporting a 1-10 record in the 2023-24 campaign as I type this.
A fitting conclusion to this edition of Suffering Illustrated about teams worse than the Detroit Pistons.
If you enjoyed this story, you may also like The Worst Year in Boston Celtics History or The Team that has gone to every Final in Lithuanian Basketball League History
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